It’s Official: The U.S. Government Will Not Fund The Construction of a Death Star

Darth Vader may find their lack of faith disturbing. As it turns out, the U.S. government will not need Bothan spies to secure secret plans from Disney to build a Death Star.

In a witty response to an online petition on We The People, the White House officially announced it will not divert the approximate $850 quadrillion in taxpayer funds to construct its own Death Star. The Galactic Empire may have had enough cash flow for undertaking two such projects, but the U.S. Defense Fund? Not so much.

We the People is an online program where U.S. citizens can create petitions intended to influence government policy. On November 14, 2012, the request to rally support regarding government funding for the Star Wars battle station was created and needed 25,000 signatures to qualify for a response. Over 34,000 people signed the petition, whose driving points consisted of:

“By focusing our defense resources into a space-superiority platform and weapon system such as a Death Star, the government can spur job creation in the fields of construction, engineering, space exploration, and more, and strengthen our national defense.”

The White House statement released yesterday, written by staff strong in the Force and appropriately titled This Isn’t The Petition Response You’re Looking For, outlined the logistical reasons for the veto, including:

A.) “The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We’re working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it. 

B.) ‘The Administration does not support blowing up planets.”

C.) ‘Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?’

Perhaps seeking government funds going toward the construction of The Avengers’ Helicarrier might be a more reasonable request?

The full statement from Paul Shawcross, Chief of the Science and Space Branch at the White House Office of Management and Budget can be read below:

OFFICIAL WHITE HOUSE RESPONSE TOSecure resources and funding, and begin construction of a Death Star by 2016. 

This Isn’t the Petition Response You’re Looking For 

The Administration shares your desire for job creation and a strong national defense, but a Death Star isn’t on the horizon. Here are a few reasons:
  • The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We’re working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.
  • The Administration does not support blowing up planets.
  • Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?
However, look carefully (here’s how) and you’ll notice something already floating in the sky — that’s no Moon, it’s a Space Station! Yes, we already have a giant, football field-sized International Space Station in orbit around the Earth that’s helping us learn how humans can live and thrive in space for long durations. The Space Station has six astronauts — American, Russian, and Canadian — living in it right now, conducting research, learning how to live and work in space over long periods of time, routinely welcoming visiting spacecraft and repairing onboard garbage mashers, etc. We’ve also got two robot science labs — one wielding a laser — roving around Mars, looking at whether life ever existed on the Red Planet.
Keep in mind, space is no longer just government-only. Private American companies, through NASA’s Commercial Crew and Cargo Program Office (C3PO), are ferrying cargo — and soon, crew — to space for NASA, and are pursuing human missions to the Moon this decade.
Even though the United States doesn’t have anything that can do the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs, we’ve got two spacecraft leaving the Solar System and we’re building a probe that will fly to the exterior layers of the Sun. We are discovering hundreds of new planets in other star systems and building a much more powerful successor to the Hubble Space Telescope that will see back to the early days of the universe.
We don’t have a Death Star, but we do have floating robot assistants on the Space Station, a President who knows his way around a light saber and advanced (marshmallow) cannon, and the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, which is supporting research on building Luke’s arm, floating droids, and quadruped walkers.
We are living in the future! Enjoy it. Or better yet, help build it by pursuing a career in a science, technology, engineering or math-related field. The President has held the first-ever White Housescience fairs and Astronomy Night on the South Lawn because he knows these domains are critical to our country’s future, and to ensuring the United States continues leading the world in doing big things.
If you do pursue a career in a science, technology, engineering or math-related field, the Force will be with us! Remember, the Death Star’s power to destroy a planet, or even a whole star system, is insignificant next to the power of the Force.
Paul Shawcross is Chief of the Science and Space Branch at the White House Office of Management and Budget

 SOURCE: We The People

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About Jim Kiernan 1240 Articles
Founder and moderator of Nerdy Rotten Scoundrel. Steering this ship the best I can. Lifelong opinionated geek & pop culture enthusiast. Independent television & film professional. Born & raised New Yorker.

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